Brown Eyes

I can't remember the exact date. But I'm guessing it's August 27, 2005. A Saturday. I was in my second week of affiliation in the Philippine General Hospital and it was my second Saturday off. But I had to go back to my case study as my patient will be discharged that afternoon. I won't be able to follow-up on him after. So I had to check on him that morning.

The thing is, I also have a date in UP that morning. So I just scanned his medical record, talked to my patient for a while, shed my white uniform and headed off to UP.

Okay, so I was late, as always.

We were supposed to go somewhere but somehow, we decided to go to Glorietta and catch a movie. But before that, we stopped over at McDonald's Quezon Ave to grab lunch.

And that was when I saw it.

The sun was shining merrily through the glass windows and when he arrived with our food, the rays hit his eyes.

It has a light brown shade, even lighter than mine. And for a few moments I just can't take my eyes off it. They were beautiful.

So watched a movie then went our separate ways in the MRT station. He was heading back to UP and I was going back to UP-PGH. That wasn't the end of our little affair but it only lasted a couple more weeks and he decided I wasn't really the girl for him. And though I try to think otherwise, I know that he also wasn't the guy for me.

We were still in touch for a while but time came that I knew I had to let go. So I did. It was hard at first because I really wanted him in my life. But the answer has always been 'no'. There are times though when I go back to that August afternoon when I saw how beautiful his eyes were and how I wish I could get those eyes to stare into mine.

Then now, almost a year later. I'm in my bedroom in my parents' house, watching yet another stretch of sappy feel-good movies when those brown eyes flashed into my mind again.
I went back to that moment and cannot remember what he was wearing or what I was wearing. I can't even remember what we ate for lunch or what we talked about. All I can remember was the sun in his eyes.

Then that rocker from the musical Rent suddenly sang these words:

Your brown eyes... goodbye... goodnight.

That was it. Five months ago was the last time a talked to him face to face. I asked him to meet me over at one of the coffee shops in Katipunan. He did. We talked, had a few laughs then parted. For me, that was enough. It was closed.

I went on with my life. Gaining new (and more interesting) friends, finding new interests, and even falling in love again.

Then a month ago, I was in UP with a friend when we happened to bump into him. An exchange of casual hellos and that was it.

After that, I looked at my friend and said in all honesty, "I think I'm okay now."

The fire's out. It's never ever gonna start.