Inappropriate yet...

(a letter to a very special person)

In about one hour and 15 minutes, birthday mo na. I picked up my cellphone countless times tonight wondering if I should call or text. But everytime I attempted to dial your number or start composing a text message, I would change my mind and just put the cellphone down. Really, I wanted to call you and greet you personally, but I don't know if that's a good idea. I might not get the response I want and might just feel worse than I do now. So wish to forego. But that does not mean I forgot. I will never forget.

Here's a text message forwarded to me by a friend. I don't know who wrote it but it's exactly what I want to tell you.

Being with you was like being on top of a building. It was finding tranquility in a world of chaos. A sense of being one with nothing. A detachment from the world below me. Satisfies me. But I didn't stay, I didn't even get closer, for I am altophobic. I fear that getting nearer means going to a higher state of happiness, and unable to control myself, I just might let go, fall, and hurt myself again...

Happy Birthday.