Candle in the Wind

I hate text messages from relatives in the wee hours of the morning. Don’t get me wrong. Not that I don’t want to hear from them. Let’s just say they’re not really fans of Globe Unlimitxt. When they send text messages at that time of day, it’s definitely not those funny jokes or annoying chain messages. It only means one thing. There’s an emergency.

And an emergency it is.

My ina was brought to the hospital again. She’s been in and out for a couple of times this past month.

Earlier this year, my aunt (who happens to be a doctor) noticed hematomas on her arm and suggested she have her CBC taken. The results were not very good. She was kept in the hospital for blood transfusion. Severe anemia, which can lead to leukemia.

Ina is eighty-four years old, but she’s one cool old lady. She did raise my dad, afterall. Most – no, all – of my cousins are doctors and doctors-to-be. [I was supposed to be a doctor too, but then, life happened. And I found out that I was the one who got the entrepreneur genes from my grandparents. They all went to med school, I plunged into business. But hey, I haven’t ruled out med school yet. But all you guys hoping that I’ll go (kuya, my bestfriend, and a few friends), don’t hold your breath.] Which is why they all have hectic med school schedules and I have the flexibility of a businesswoman’s schedule. I get to spend more time with Ina lately. I am able to visit her in the hospital more often and even stayed with her through the night. [I am a nurse’s nightmare – believe me.]

On one instance, I was with Ina in the hospital early in the morning. Mom went out to buy me breakfast. She sat on the lounge chair while I lay on her bed for a while. She started telling me stories of how she and Ama met. How she used to sell coffee early in the morning when she was younger, a lot younger. [Which really inspired me since my bestfriends and I plan to put up a coffeeshop.] And described her children’s distinct characteristics, she has 6 kids. My dad’s the fourth.

I never really got to spend much time with her until now since I grew up in Laguna and she lives in Bulacan and I only get to see her once in a while. I used to know them as “my relatives I Bulacan”. But since I started college, I came closer since UP is closer to Bulacan. They got to know their morena granddaughter (yeah, they’re all mestiza) more and she became more than ‘my relative from Bulacan’.

One of my new year’s resolutions is to spend more time with her since I have lots of free time. When I received the text message that she’s being brought to the hospital, I regretted my decision of spending last Saturday in a mall rather than visit her.

Now we all wait for the latest development.

If she was ten years younger, I won’t be worrying that much. But she’s old. Her body’s not responding well to treatment anymore. But what scares me most is that if she goes, I don’t think the family will ever be the same. She’s the only one that binds us together. I haven’t declared Calumpit, Bulacan as my domicile. I don’t think I ever would. I’m a Lagunense now, this is my home. But I will sure miss being a Bulakenya. But I will miss her more, and how we used to be.

Sometimes, I would sit in the porch, on my mom’s rocking chair, and thought about how things were better when we were younger, before med school started tearing us apart. Before the NMAT scores came out, before the scholarship offers and admission letters. When Ama and Ina were younger and all we kids think about wereMonopoly and Scrabble. Good times.

I know that Ina will be leaving sooner or later. I think we all do. We just try to delay it, but we know we can’t stop it. I’ll just wait and see what happens to the family. And whether I really inherited the entrepreneur genes or I’m just too chicken to be a doctor.