The Ex Files

6:49 on the car’s cockpit.

If today was Monday, I will be very worried. But it’s Thursday. I don’t expect much traffic along the Alabang-Sucat part of SLEx. But then again, I might be surprised.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. My mom asked me if I have plans for the day even though she knew that I plan to stay at home and just veg in front of the tube. If I was in UP I would probably be the Fair. My best friend kept on texting me, making up some plan for me to be able to go to at least one Fair night. I told her to give it up because I will be busy with church and family events towards the end of the week.

I’m still in Calamba, traffic is starting to slow down. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. I hope not. Can’t afford to be late today. I haven’t finished my schematic diagram yet.

Usually, I tune in to a FM station while on the road. For some reason, I can’t settle on a decent station this morning. While surfing, I stumbled upon a song being sung by one of the worst male voices I heard. It reminded me of my (very) colorful lovelife. That’s what drove me to reach for my laptop and blog away.

I only have two exes. Actually sometimes I count two and a half. The two being Papi, my boyfriend during my first two years in college and Aris, my boyfriend during my thrid year until 2005. The ‘and a half’ was TJ, the boy in between.

But then again there were others. The ‘almosts’, the ‘could’ve beens’, and the ‘oh-my-God-Noah-you-even-considered-him?’ boys.

I can name names, I am seriously considering, actually. But lemme think for a while. In that while, I’m gonna tell a story.

There’s one boy I met during my junior year in high school. He was from another school, a level lower. He was a real bolero over the phone so needless to say; I started thiking that maybe ‘we’ can work. It took me a year to realize that, no, ‘we’ can’t work. You see, a year later, I was accepted at UP Diliman. I was leaving Laguna to study in Quezon City, how cool was that?! But not for him. He wanted me to settle for UPLB. That’s when I realized, if he can’t support me at that time when we are just starting to get to know each other, how much more if I let him into my life? I went to UPD anyway and that’s where I met people like me. People, who think like me, react like me, well basically, people he can’t understand, like me.

It was before the era of text messaging and emails and the only ways to reach me was either through snail mail, getting through my dorm’s very busy trunkline or waiting for me in front of my parents’ house during weekends, if ever I decide to go home.

He wrote quite often, called, too. But I rarely return them. I knew we were in different wavelengths. He has to realize that, too. Eventually, I closed our channels of communication. I already have a boyfriend.

Time passed. Like I predicted, he didn’t make it to UP. He went on with his life. I went on with mine.

A few weeks (or maybe a month) ago, he texted me and asked how I was doing. I told him I recently opened a business and he told me, ‘sayang’.

I asked him why.

He answered because he’s already married and has a kid.

I told him, ‘don’t be.’

He asked me why.

I shook my head, drew a deep breath and typed the words I should have told him many years ago.

‘I don’t think we’ll work out. Magkaiba tayo eh.’

I want to rid him of the thought that if he was single I would still consider him. I stopped considering him since I stepped into college.

I know that he’s trapped in a not-so-happy marriage. I can sense it. But he got himself into it.

Now back to my dilemma. Will I name or will I not?

I’d rather not. Let them live in peace. We had good times, but that ends there.

It’s 7:40 on the car’s cockpit.

I’m approaching C5 tollgate. Traffic’s not that bad. I wonder how Valentine’s Day turned out for my friends. I have yet to hear about it.

***Post written February 15, 2007. Uploaded today.***