Thought Bubble

There's only now, there's only here
Give in to love or live in fear
No other path, no other way
No day but today

BETRAYAL OF THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH

I swear by Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfil according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:

To hold him who has taught me this art as equal to my parents and to live my life in partnership with him, and if he is in need of money to give him a share of mine, and to regard his offspring as equal to my brothers in male lineage and to teach them this art - if they desire to learn it - without fee and covenant; to give a share of precepts and oral instruction and all the other learning to my sons and to the sons of him who has instructed me and to pupils who have signed the covenant and have taken an oath according to the medical law, but no one else.

I will apply dietetic measures for the benefit of the sick according to my ability and judgment; I will keep them from harm and injustice.

I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody who asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.

I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favor of such men as are engaged in this work.

Whatever houses I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves.

What I may see or hear in the course of the treatment or even outside of the treatment in regard to the life of men, which on no account one must spread abroad, I will keep to myself, holding such things shameful to be spoken about.

If I fulfil this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come; if I transgress it and swear falsely, may the opposite of all this be my lot.

Hippocrates was a Greek physician who lived around 460-377 BC and is often regarded as the "father of medicine". And the Hippocratic Oath, though probably not really the work of Hippocrates, is the most enduring tradition in Western medicine and has been the guiding ethical code for physicians since ancient Greece.

The Hippocratic Oath is a continuing ideal and a strong moral force conditioning medical practice. It falls into two parts. The first specifies the duties of the physician to his teachers ad his obligation in transmitting medical knowledge. The second, giving rules to be observed in the treatment of diseases, is a short summary of medical ethics expressing general principles. The oath became the nucleus of all medical ethics. In its most compelling portions, it emphasizes the profundity of the medical covenant, patient dignity, the confidentiality of transaction, and the physician's responsibility to guard against abuse or corruption of his knowledge and art.

In 1948, a modern version of the Oath was drwan up by the World Medical Association ans was amended in 1968.

At the time of being admitted a member of the medical profession:
I solemnly pledge myself to consecrate my life to the service of humanity;
I will give my teachers the respect and gratitude which is their due;
I will practice my profession with conscience and dignity;
The health of my patient will be my first consideration;
I will respect the secrets confided in me, even after the patient has died;
I will maintain by all means in my power, the honor and the noble traditions of the medical profession;
My colleagues will be my brothers;
I will not permit considerations of religion, nationality, race, party politics or social standing to intervene between my duty and my patient;
I will maintain utmost respect for human life from the time of conception; even under threat will not use my medical knowledge contrary to the laws of humanity.
I make these promises solemnly, freely and upon my honor.

Many eons ago, I wanted to be a doctor. I guess that "wanting" never really left my heart though it's not strong enough for me to go into medical school. However, having entered the allied medical field, I have been a doctor's most cruel critic. And why not? Most of the doctors I know are guilty of all my critisms.

I belong to a family of doctors. Some of my friends are on their way to becoming doctors, a few already are. And I am proud to say that all my family and friends who are doctors are really doctors, those who haven't forgotten their oath. Or I would like to think of it that way.

I had a debate with my mom about the doctors in the office I work in. You see, I now work in the Provincial Health Office, in the Nutrition Services. (Fine, fine, I got in through nepotism. Nepotism is an art.) My immediate superior is an RND (Registered Nutritionist-Dietitian) but her superior is a doctor. Imagine a doctor in the office! I asked, what's a doctor doing in an office? They should be out there, doing the stuff real doctors do. Not behind a table buried in paperwork which, actually they don't do, they just sign over their names with that two letters that they betrayed, MD.

The Office is like a distorted version of my family, a cross between politics and medicine. Only in my family, we are slowly flushing politics away. But in the office, politics is a way of life.

For the sake of my friends who doesn't know how office politics in the government goes, I'm sorry to say that how they put it is really true. It's not what you know that matters. It's who you know.

(Background Information: I am the third generation from my family to hold office in the Provincial Health Office. My grandfather was a provincial sanitary inspector. His connections landed my mom her item as public health nurse. I can still vaguely remember the times when I visited him in that office. Sometimes I still glance over to where he used to sit and smile. And now, I got in the Nutrition Services through my mom's connections. Guess it runs in the family. They were offering me an item as Nutritionist-Dietitian but I refused. I'm not about to snatch an item from somebody whose been waiting for an opening for years just because my Mom's chummy-chummy with the Nutrition Officer or that the Head of Office happened to be a grade school classmate's uncle. I'm not about to join in the intricate web of government office politics. At least, not yet.)

MD - Medical Doctor

It's a title you work for for more than ten painstaking years. Four years pre-med. Four years med school. The Board exam. One year PGI. Residencies. 24-duties. Rural communities. Hours upon hours of seminars then you land on a desk job. Pathetic. A job even a four-year college course graduate can do. Maybe even better. But because your name is followed by the two magic letters and your family's support for the incumbent governor or board member or whoever in the last election. You got the job. All those years of studying, wasted. And an oath betrayed.

I know a lot of doctors. I have a team of doctors that help me and my family maintain a sound body. I trust them. We trust them.

A physician has two fundamental duties.

The first, to transmit the medical knowledge. I salute doctors who are also teachers. Who share what they know for the sake of future generations. I know a handful of these people. One of them is actually one of the people I admire the most.

The second, to follow the rules observed in treating diseases and his duty to guard the abuse of their knowledge.

And for me, anyone who comes short of the two fundamental duties of a doctor has no right to end his name with an MD.


*with excerpts from Grolier Encyclopedia of Knowledge and http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/doctors/oath_classical.html

Ventolin, You Like?

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Text kita when I get home.
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***
Not counting on it.
***

Nakakapagod na talaga ang habulang ito. Hinihika nanaman ako. Hinihingal na ko. Hindi ko na kayang tumakbo. Hindi na kita hahabulin.

Panonoorin na lang kitang unti-unting lumalayo.

Fear

fear n. an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by expectation or awareness of danger

When asked what my religion is, sometimes, I have to stop and think. Though I am (and all of my family and relatives are) Catholics, I am somewhat different.

I grew up in a Protestant environment and at a young age, I started to question the faith of my family and the faith of the people in school. And with that, I had my own faith, which is not defined by just the Catholic dogma but also by those in which I grew up in.

In high school, most of my friends were Baptists. So then, I started questioning again. But even if the questions came with no answer, I still walked in the faith I believed in.

Then college came. I was admitted to an institution where religion is an option and atheism is common. I met more kinds of faith. I met those who doubt. I met those who don't believe.

That's when I realized that it's not about what sect of Christianity you belong to, it's your faith that matters. It's what you believe in.

To make things a little bit clearer, I have a story of a boy I knew in college. Here goes:

His name was Robin.

In high school, he was the campus hot shot. He was one of the most popular boys in school. But he can't fall in love with just anyone because of the constraints his church bestowed upon its members.

However, in college, he fell in love with a girl from another sect, a serious offense in his church. Their relationship was a secret for a long time. But when the time came when he had to choose between his love for the girl and the laws of his church. His fear of the church won. He left her.

Robin found a new girl in his church. They went out and eventually became a couple. He was happy. Or so he thought.

His ex, however, had a different story. She was devastated. But she turned to that one thing she had left. Faith. Not in her church. She has faith in something bigger than that. Recovering was hard but she put all her trust in her faith that the Higher Being will soon hear her prayers. Time was kind and eventually, her wounds healed. Now, only the scars remind her of all the hurt she went through because of the emnity between their churches.

She was going through her (relatively new) daily routines when Robin contacted her one night.

Robin asked if they could meet. She asked him why, everything between them is through.

Then he said it, he wanted her back. But not quite as a girlfriend.

There is the possibility that he still loves her. And it is not impossible for her to love him again. However, the problem still stands.

See, Robin is afraid to upset his church that he'll keep her under wraps to get what he really wants. But he's forgetting the much bigger picture. That sin is not committed against a church or any institution. Sin is committed against God himself. And he's forgetting that God can see everything. He knows everything.

Robin needs serious spiritual education.

Apathy

apathy n. lack of interest. INDIFFERENCE.

Sometimes, no matter how we show other people how much we care for and even love them, they would see it in a different light.

I remember an old friend told that sometimes we have so much love to give that we just give it to anyone. Even if they are unworthy of it. And there was this time when I attended mass and the priest delivered a homily about a fist and a palm.

He asked us to clench our hands into a fist. No matter what you do to that clenched hand, it won't get hurt but no one can hold it either. Then he asked us to slowly open our hand for others to be able to hold them. A cleched hand can never be comforted or comfort. But an open hand can easily do both. The risk is, an open hand can also get hurt easily.

It's like life. Close your life and you won't get hurt. Open it to others, yes you'll get hurt -- it's inevitable -- but it's also fulfilling, to be able to use it to touch other people's life.

So no matter how much I get hurt. I can never be apathetic. Even if others already are.

About A Boy

I fell in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him.

I was eleven years old. I came home and he was there. Still in my grade school uniform, I ran to him. I looked into his eyes and wondered if he could see me. I touched his skin and he turned his head slightly.

"Gusto mo siyang hawakan?" My mom asked.

A few moments later, he was in my arms. "Anung pangalan niya?"

"Isip ka."

I thought he was going to be my brother. But my mom decided to give him to my childless uncle and aunt. So she did. They named him ErJohn. I wanted him to be a Paolo.

So he became ErJohn Paolo, my very first cousin. Then babies started coming. He was - is - a blessing.

Me and Paolo, Star City, December 2004

Last June, he stepped up to high school. And what really excited me most, is that he moved in our house. My mom gave him the third room in the house. It's relatively smaller than mine but he's enjoying it.

The first morning he woke me up for his allowance and I sent him off to school, I thought, my little Paolo's growing so fast.

Now, I am finally experiencing what it feels like to be 'ate Noah'.

Thought Bubble

AYOKO NA SA'YO!

FROG TAILS

I hate them. They hop, they invade and they're filthy. They're just plain gross. But I have to live with them as our backyard is swarming with frogs especially during rainy seasons.

In college, I took up Biology 11: General Biology I (a pre-requisite to our Physiology of the Human Body, a major subject). There, I had the pleasure of spearheading a mass murder. Of frogs, that is.

I named my frog Patrick. He was a handsome frog, with long lean legs and big bulging eyes that stared into mine as I pithed him, as if pleading to be set free. But I can't. I need to know everything about him. Come to think of it, he would probably end up on the streets, run down by the Ikot jeep or some rich kid's car. He's better off in the laboratory, where his intact body parts would be preserved in jars and his bones into a work of art, beautifully displayed in one of the cabinets in the lab.

Yet after Patrick, we were desperate. We needed more. We needed them alive. Our dissecting kits were hungry for more.

So we had to do it, me and my frog-murderer buddies didn't think that one frog is enough. We bought more frogs to torture. We killed them in the darkness of the night, in one corner of the PHAN building, for our last lab exam. We had a special guest during that sacrificial offering of frogs to the Biology exam gods: our instructor, Mr. H Calilung.

They came in different sizes and shapes. Coming from all over. We stayed there till the last hours of the day, preparing ourselves to pay homage to the exam gods the next day. It was hard but we had to make a sacrifice. We didn't name them. We just said our prayers and pithed away, one frog at a time.

And the sacrifice was not in vain. All of us passed the exam and the course. That we owe to those nameless frogs.

I tried to forget it. But karma was quick.

You know what happened? All the boys I kiss, turn into frogs (figuratively, of course). Then I remember Ging telling me that night of our gruesome frog murder.

"From now on, never kiss a guy, Noah. They'll turn into frogs."

And so they did.

Just this afternoon, I was teaching an 11-year-old sixth grader about the microscope when a huge frog hopped in front of us.

"Frog!" He exclaimed. "Next quarter, we'll be digesting frogs."

"What?!" I was scandalized.

"Alam mo na, ooperahan."

"Dissect!" I shouted at him. "Ayusin mo nga English mo. Digest daw. Yuck."

Thought Bubble

Oh please stop. It's nauseous.

In Love With Taye Diggs

I watch Kevin Hill religiously.

I love his short "Fiyero" stint in Wicked.

I got myself a video of the movie RENT.

I wish I'm Idina Menzel's shoes right now.

Thought Bubble

Bakla kaya 'to? Hmm...

Prinsesa's Mahiwagang Pork Nilaga

One of my favorite dishes because:

1. Very economical
2. Easy to start from scratch
3. Does not need complete attention (I'm cooking as of this writing)

I remember one time we cooked nilaga in Diet Therapy class. I was teamed up with Arjel (Ramirez) and we were making a food tray for a person with ESRD (End Stage Renal Disease). So the usual nilaga I cook has to be modified to the needs of our patient. Our patient just got out of the OR (Operating Room) and is on progressive diet. The patient is now in the transition between general liquid to soft bland, sodium restricted (no additional salt).

So there we were, with the modified nilaga softly boiling over the stove. I looked at Arjel and asked him to taste it. He did.

"Yuck." He said.

I tasted it, too. It was like boiled water, with a hint of pork. Nothing else.

"This is so sad." I said.

We looked at each other. "Ayokong magkasakit sa bato."

"Ako din." Arjel agreed.

And so dear friends, this is my Nilaga recipe, and pray that you don't have kidney disorders or you cannot eat it.


What you'll need

pork
onions (Asian variety -- the purple one, it gives off more flavor)
potatoes
cabbage
beans
iodized salt (invest in iodized salt, it's stated in Asin Law)
fish sauce
whole peppercorns

Here's How:

Boil the pork, adding a dash of iodized salt, till tender, this may take a while, depending on the cut and how much water you put in.

Once the pork is tender enough (I like it when the meat is almost coming of the bones or in lean pork, if it's easy to tear apart, no effort at all) drop in the onions, which should be cut into wedges, Asian style, to give off more flavor.

Let it boil some more then add the potatoes. Cover, till it starts boiling violently (a trick to know if there's enough heat in there.

Add about two tablespoons of fish sauce. Adjust to taste. Then let it simmer before dropping in the beans.

Once the beans achieve a bright green color (this is what should happen instead of it losing the color), check if the potatoes and pork are cooked enough. If not, cover again and wait. If yes, crush the peppercorns, about two teaspoons, and quickly drop in the mixture. The flavor of the spice is preserved that way.

Then, a few minutes before serving it, drop the cabbages on top of the mixture. Do not mix. Cover it for a minute and serve before the cabbages get overcooked.

That's it. Easy right?

Then I remember Miss Tiangson (now Prof. Tiangson-Bayaga) told us to eat what we cooked. Arjel and I looked at each other helplessly.

"No way." I said.

We both looked at the sorry bowl with that accursed soft diet, Na-restricted nilagang pork. We waited before Miss T walked out of the laboratory. Arjel opened the class locker where we put our common ingredients and took the half-full bottle of fish sauce.

"Healthy naman kidneys ko." He said, smiling.

I giggled as he sat back down beside me and sprinkled it over the bowl.

"Enjoy." I said. "Kaw na bahala sa dishes ha."

And with that, labgown carelessly over my shoulder and hairnet still on my ponytail, I walked out of the laboratory, keeping in mind the greatest lesson I learned in class.

Take care of your kidneys.

Not Enough To You

Is this as hard as it gets?
Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough

Looks like the little kid has finally grown up.
Napapagod na akong makipaglaro. Napapagod na ako sa habulan. Ayoko na. Tigil na. Pahinga na.

You don't see me
You don't need me
You don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

Wala naman akong hinihingi. Hindi ko naman kailangan ng isang gaya mo sa buhay ko. Pero hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit nagkakaganito ako.

This is the place in my heart
This is the place where I'm falling apart
Isn't this just where we met?

Naiinis akong bumalik sa lugar kung san kita nakilala. Pero anung gagawin ko, ito ang lugar kung san ako nagsimulang mabuhay ulit. Gustuhin ko mang kalimutan, paano?

I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you

Sana hindi nalang...

RETROSPECT: Against Destiny

destiny n. a predetermined course of events

It was like it was meant to be. But as Fate willed it, it really wasn't. Everything was just an illusion. An illusion that I believed to be true.

For many months, I wanted to ask God why things had to happen the way they did and why he had to come into my life at that point.Why not sooner, when things were less complicated?
No, he had to fall into my life at that exact moment when everything seemed perfect and made me realize that it really wasn't.

Then, I said it was destiny.

What was I thinking?

Now, looking back into the past year, and reminisced about the time we spent together, only one thing slipped into my mind.

I was so stupid.

I blinded myself into believing that I was destined for him when "everything" was telling me otherwise. In reality, I was working against destiny.

I should've spotted the signs.

Delayed FX trips, unwelcoming friends, hyperacidity, erratic class schedules and a closed monastery.

Noah's babbling, one might say.

Maybe I am.

But now, looking back, cutting me off and ignoring me was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.

Why? One may ask.

Because I believe in karma and what goes around comes around.

I never treated him bad -- on the contrary, I believe I treated him well, but what did I get in return?

It's okay. I believe that somehow, all these will be returned to him, if it hasn't been already.

Ang Buhay Parang Sine

Maraming beses nang parang nag-oopening credits ang buhay ko.

Alam nyo yung mga pelikulang gaya ng Bcoz of You at Regal Classics na may tatlong episodes sa iisang pelikula? Parang ganun ang buhay eh. Maraming episodes pero isa lang ang end credits. Kasi ang buhay parang pinagtagpi-tagping mga istorya. Minsan nga patung-patong pa. At ikaw at ikaw lamang ang bida.

O bida nga ba?

Kasi ako, aaminin mo ko, kung magiging estorya ang buhay ko, maraming magproprotesta. Hindi kasi ako pang bida. Pang kontra-bida.

Ako yung tipong nang-aapi, nanghahamak, naninira ng buhay. At least, yun ang tingin ng higit na nakararami sa akin. Naging "evil girlfriend" na ako. "Stalker/obsessed admirer", "kabit", "rebeldeng anak", "masamang kaibigan", "teacher's enemy no. 1", at kung anu-ano pa. Ako yung tipong kinakainisan ng mga nanonood. Yung tipong gustong patayin. Na sa bandang huli, sasabihan ng mga nanonood ng, "buti nga sa'yo".

Kailan nga ba nanalo ang isang kotrabida sa isang istorya?

Kaya siguro gustong-gusto ko ang "Wicked" dahil sa unang pagkakataon, naipakitang hindi lahat ng kontabida ay ginustong maging kontrabida.

Blog Me!

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

But I AM 24!

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

My curiouser and curiouser!

You Are 55% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

Peace, Pare!

People Envy Your Inner Peace

You understand your place in the world and accept life as it is. For you, "it's all good." People envy how grounded and level headed you are. But you're too at peace to even notice.

What Do People Envy About You?

Peace, Pare!

Your Career Type: Enterprising

You are engertic, ambitious, and sociable. Your talents lie in politics, leading people, and selling things or ideas. You would make an excellent: Auctioneer - Bank President - Camp Director City Manager - Judge - Lawyer Recreation Leader - Real Estate Agent - Sales Person School Principal - Travel Agent - TV Newscaster The worst career options for your are investigative careers, like mathematician or architect.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Fun Stuff: Quiz

Your Career Type: Enterprising

You are engertic, ambitious, and sociable. Your talents lie in politics, leading people, and selling things or ideas. You would make an excellent: Auctioneer - Bank President - Camp Director City Manager - Judge - Lawyer Recreation Leader - Real Estate Agent - Sales Person School Principal - Travel Agent - TV Newscaster The worst career options for your are investigative careers, like mathematician or architect.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Fun Stuff: Quiz

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

the Merry Month of May

Your Birth Month is May

Unique and creative, you seek your own path in life. You love change and are able to adapt to any situation. Your soul reflects: Sweetness, joy, and a complete life. Your gemstone: Emerald Your flower: Lily of the Valley Your colors: Yellow, red, and green

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Fun Stuff: Quiz

Men See You As Understated

You are an intreguing mix of girl and woman. You're feminine, quiet, and a total mystery to most men. Yet they often feel the urge to protect you, even if they don't know you. You *are* a flirt, but you usually only flirt with those you know well

How Do Men See You?

Fun Stuff: Quiz

Guys Like That You're Fun

You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

What Do Guys Like About You?